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Seeking Love


What is love?

Love is an intense feeling of deep affection. Some may also define it as a great interest or pleasure in something. But what is the difference between ‘love’ and being ‘in love’? Being ‘in love’ with someone or something can be defined as a ‘need’ one feels towards someone or something else for their own benefit. To ‘love’ someone or something, on the other hand, is more ‘selfless’ and does not know the meaning of ‘control.’ It is a desire to act in a way that benefits others - for the happiness and well-being of the person or thing that one loves, even if it is against oneself.

Why is Love important?

Love is often considered the driving force of life, where we feel warmth in our hearts and souls at the happiness or well-being of someone else. Many would agree that it is the most important thing..

Love is important because it is a fundamental human emotion that brings people together and creates strong bonds. It can inspire us to be kind, compassionate, and understanding towards others, and it can also bring us great joy and happiness. Love a powerful force that can help us navigate life's challenges and meaning and purpose in relationships.



How does being ‘In Love’ affect us?

It's true that being in love can have a powerful impact on our lives, bringing us immense joy, happiness, and a deep sense of connection. But it's also important to acknowledge that the intense emotions associated with being 'in love' can be both incredibly fulfilling and deeply painful. It's like a rollercoaster of emotions, with exhilarating highs and devastating lows. These feelings can teach us a lot about ourselves, but they can also take a toll on our well-being and our relationships with others.


Whether it's love for a person, a passion, or something else, it's natural to question its impact on our lives and the lives of those around us. If it brings positivity and enriches our lives, then it's truly something beautiful. However, if it causes harm and distress, it's important to reflect on how we can break free from its grip.


Choosing to prioritize love for ourselves and others over the intense emotions associated with being 'in love' is a courageous and necessary step. It's a journey of self-discovery and self-care, and it's okay to take that first step towards breaking free from its hold.

How can Love help us?



Feeling loved is such a powerful experience. It's like being wrapped in a warm, comforting embrace that makes us feel safe and cherished. When we know that there's someone out there who genuinely cares about our well-being, it can fill our hearts with so much joy and hope. It's like a gentle reminder that we're not alone in this world, and that we're part of something bigger and more meaningful. This sense of love and belonging brings a deep sense of peace and contentment, and it can even give us the courage to forgive ourselves for our mistakes, especially when we believe in the enduring nature of that love.


Conditional love, when we feel it, can inspire us to become better versions of ourselves. It helps us learn from our missteps and keeps us from repeating them, all because we fear losing the affection of the person or thing that loves us. The absence of love can make us feel adrift, empty, and burdened by guilt, leading to a loss of confidence and self-esteem. On the other hand, being loved makes us feel more self-assured, not only in our own abilities but also in our trust of others. It allows us to embrace our true selves and our life's purpose and empowers us to pursue our dreams and ambitions with confidence. Ultimately, the love we receive can greatly enhance our chances of success in all that we do.



The more we cherish and love ourselves, the more capacity we have to deeply care for others. And, the more we open our hearts to love others, the more we enhance our self-love.


When someone loves us more for who we are than for what we do for them, they long for our joy and freedom, placing our well-being above their desire to control us. They liberate us. It's like releasing a bird from a cage to soar into the sky or choosing to spare a fish in a river because its happiness means more than fulfilling our own needs.

How can love help others?


Loving others enables us to treat them as we would want to be treated. It makes us more considerate of their needs and more likely to sacrifice for their benefit. Love inspires forgiveness, selflessness, and the teaching of kindness, compassion, and patience. When we love others more than we are 'in love' with them, we prioritize their happiness and freedom to choose their own path for their benefit.

How can we feel more loved by others?

Kindness is essential. When we are kind to others, help them during their time of need, and show love and forgiveness without expecting anything in return, we help build belief in love and altruism. Seeking love by pretending to be someone we're not can lead to deception, heartbreak, and damage trust in relationships.

In order to feel more loved by others we must be willing to take a risk and make ourselves 'vulnerable' to heartbreak and disappointment. We must be willing recipients in order to receive love. Being afraid to be imperfect can prevent us from truly letting others in and experiencing what it is to be loved by another.

How can we love others more?

The feeling of love is natural and innate, serving as the driving force of life. Our experiences and upbringing shape this emotion, along with the love we receive. The more love we experience, the more we can express to others. Feeling loved ourselves enables us to love others. If we struggle to feel loved and authentic, we must prioritize loving ourselves first.

How can we love ourselves more?

To truly love ourselves, we must first understand the essence of love. Love is the selfless act of setting someone or something we adore "free," often requiring personal sacrifice. It's important to note that loving ourselves is not the same as being "in love" with ourselves; the former embodies selflessness and generosity, while the latter reflects control, neediness, and narcissism.


To cultivate self-love, we need to recognize our worthiness of love through self-reflection and critical thinking. Embracing the notion that we can remain true to ourselves while adapting our behavior as our souls evolve is paramount. Learning from our experiences and from others doesn't compromise our authenticity; rather, it empowers us to become the individuals we aspire to be.


We can begin by pondering these questions:

- Do I have someone or something in my life that I adore to the extent that I would go out of my way to assist them in their time of need?

- If so, contemplate the attributes of that person or thing that evoke love within you. Record these characteristics, which might encompass their actions, words, or behavior, eliciting profound affection within you.

- Consider the actions that prompt your feelings of love and view them as beacons of guidance.


Conducting this exercise with multiple individuals may reveal a pattern. You can utilize the observed pattern of behavior that fosters love in others as a model to adapt your own behavior, ultimately fostering your own sense of love and appreciation.

(Above Writings are based on the reflections of Dr Lale Tuncer)


Scripture quotes on love



Enjoy life with the wife you love. King Solomon, Ecclesiastes 9:9

It is not good for man to be alone. Genesis 2:18

There-fore a man shall leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:26

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is better than wine. King Solomon, Song of Songs 1:2

I am for my beloved, and my beloved is for me. King Solomon, Song of Songs, 2:16

Jacob loved Rachel, so he said, ‘I will work for you seven years… So Jacob worked seven years for Rachel and they seemed to him a few days because of his love for her. Genesis 29:18-20

“Love your neighbor as yourself” (Lev. 19:18)

One who has found a wife has found goodness, and has brought forth favor from God. King Solomon, Proverbs 18:22

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”  John 15:13

“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!”  1 John 3:1

“His banner over me is love.”  Song of Songs 2:4

 “But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.”  Psalm 86:15

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.”  1 Chronicles 16:34

The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His Love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”  Zephaniah 3:17

“Let them give thanks to the Lord for His Unfailing Love and His Wonderful Deeds for men, for He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.”  Psalm 107:8-9

“Your Love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your Faithfulness to the skies. Your Righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your Justice like the great deep.”  Psalm 36:5-6

“But you are a Forgiving God, Gracious and Compassionate, slow to anger and Abounding in Love…” Nehemiah 9:17

 “So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other.  Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.  Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”  John 13:34-35

 “If you love me, you will obey what I command.”  John 14:15

 “Hate stirs up trouble, but love forgives all offenses.”  Proverbs 10:12

 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”  Proverbs 17:17

“He has shown you, O man, what is good.  And what does the Lord require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”  Micah 6:8

 “But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great…" Luke 6:35

“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death… Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away.”  Song of Songs 8:6-7

 “I will declare that Your Love stands firm forever, that you established Your Faithfulness in Heaven itself.” Psalm 89:2

“The earth is filled with Your Love, O Lord…”  Psalm 119:64

 “Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’”  Matthew 22:37-39

 “But be very careful…to love the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to obey His commands, to hold fast to Him and to Serve Him with all your heart and all your soul.”  Joshua 22:5

“‘Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet My Unfailing Love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of Peace be removed,’ says the Lord, Who has Compassion on you.”  Isaiah 54:10

“Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.  Then you will win favour and a good name in the sight of God and man.”  Proverbs 3:3-4

 “Because Your Love is better than life, my lips will glorify You.” Psalm 63:3

And He is The Oft-Forgiving, The Most Loving.’   Quran 85:14

‘Indeed those who have believed and done righteous deeds- The Most Merciful will appoint for them affection.’  Quran 19:96

‘Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in God, certainly, God loves those who put their trust in Him .’  Quran 3:159

And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought’ Quran 30:21


“The believers are but brothers, so make settlement between your brothers. And fear God that you may receive mercy” Quran 49:10


“And do good; indeed, God loves the doers of good” Quran 2:195


“Never will you attain the good [reward] until you spend [in the way of God] from that which you love. And whatever you spend – indeed, God is Knowing of it” Quran 3:92


‘Worship God and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good, and to relatives, orphans, the needy, the near neighbour, the neighbour farther away, the companion at your side, the traveller, and those whom your right hands possess. Indeed, God does not like those who are self-deluding and boastful.’ Quran 4:36


‘Say: If you should love God, then follow me. God will love you and forgive you your sins, for God is Forgiving and Merciful.’ Quran 3:31


‘Be good. Verily, God loves those who are good.’ Quran 2:195

O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And fear God, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs. Indeed, God is ever, over you, an Observer. Quran 4:1


‘They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them’ [Quran 2:187]



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